My dearest Greyson,
My heart has nearly broken as I’ve nursed you for the last few times. My milk is gone and my body can no longer sustain your sweet life. Praise the Lord for His creativity in this design and that we have made it this far! I know that when you are old enough to read this the last thing you are going to want to think about is me nursing you. Lord willing, whenever your future wife nurses your firstborn you will see what I mean. You and I have developed a beautiful bond. Not only has it been the only time that you sit still for a few moments and snuggle with your mama, you have learned that you can depend on me. My heart hurts because you will never need to depend on me as much as you have for the past year.
As the tears roll down my cheeks, I am so very thankful for your growing life. I am thankful that you are able to become more and more independent. That you can walk and run, that you can eat solid food, that you can clap and laugh and cry. I am thankful that you can see and hear the world around you. I am thankful for the way you respond to it. I am thankful for your good health, for your strong muscles, for your adventurous spirit. I pray that as I grieve you not being a baby anymore I don’t take for granted that you are so blessed to be able to do these things!
I anticipate that through out the rest of your life I will nurse you in the many other senses of the word. I look forward to nursing you back to health when you are sick (the verdict is still out as to whether your mama being a nurse is a blessing or a curse;) I look forward to nursing your soul need for relationship with God. I pray for the strength to nurse your broken heart when you are exposed to the hurt in the world. I look forward to nursing your adventurous spirit— or at least stepping back and allowing your dad to do that.;) I look forward to nursing your mind as we attempt to learn together in homeschooling. I look forward to nursing your sensitive side, as I anticipate that it will be passed down from your Gpa and Daddy. I also look forward to nursing your need for respect as a man (I’m going to need a lot of prayer and grace as I learn how to navigate this one!)
So it looks like my nursing days are not over they are just changing. Change is not something that I have readily welcomed in my life, but thankfully God is changing me:) I love you, Greyson. I look forward to the rest of our lives as mother and son. Know that it is a blessing and an honor to be the mama that nurses you in all of these ways. You are a JOY!
~ jenne j.